Alfred's Cookies, Martha's Pies, and Iris' Sweet Tea
by Weezila
Summary: One father, two mothers, and two wives find common ground over tea and baked goods because their good-for-nothing superhero children/spouses go about saving the world and leave them worrying. What about the family of Superheroes? If they want to form a book club to talk about how worried they are- and gossip about everything else- then by all means, they will.


**Hello Internet.**

**This is just a quick drabble about the family of the League. Don't bother pointing out how these obscure side-characters aren't portrayed right or it's not canon, blah, blah, blah, because I really don't care. This was fun to write, and superficially fun to read, so don't cry ignoramus because you didn't feel like reading this. **

**Anyway,**

**Enjoy.**

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Alfred was quite used to people—especially speedsters and the current residents of Wayne Manor—simply appearing out of nowhere. Bats were usually good enough to be silent, and speedsters were simply fast enough that to the normal human eye they seemed to materialize in front of you.

Alfred, in general, was not surprised by much.

Ok, Alfred wasn't _ever_ taken off guard.

EVER.

At least, outwardly. He may have felt alarmed countless times seeing his adopted son and grandson come home bruised and beaten, may have worried on end when they delayed in returning home, may have been burdened with grief and pain this family felt for the losses of friends and allies. He may have felt those things, but to the world he _was_ the stoicism that inspired Batman's seriousness, only he was the _original._

It didn't mean he didn't care, only that he knew how to carry on when the world was going to hell better than anyone else on earth.

So, it was no surprise when the overly emotional and scatter-brained young speedster who often raided Alfred's carefully planned fridge found himself in a stressful and dire situation, he came to the one person he knew wouldn't freak out at the situation as well (or make fun of him like Dick would, or scare him like Bruce would).

Alfred was just taking a turkey out of the oven when he turned and was met with a panting Wally West, green eyes blown wide in the evident panic on his young face.

"Problem!" He coughed, quickly regaining his breath. He must have nearly broken the sound barrier if he was out of breath from running, Alfred mused.

As if on cue, the ringer on the kitchen wall let out a series of low, rapid clicks. Only the residents of the house knew it was Morse code, done at ten times the normal speed, and only they knew how to understand it naturally. The message was from Dick, saying '_Wally's on his way over'._

He must have _really_ booked it to get from Central—where Alfred knew the boys were currently on some urgent news—to Gotham before Dick could reach his communicator and send out that brief message.

"Am I to assume Master Wallace, you would like my help seeing as the Batman is currently at the Watchtower?" Alfred said calmly, setting the turkey down on the counter and putting down his oven mits.

"Yes! Please!" He gasped quickly. "UncleBarry'smissingandnooneknowswhereheiswhichisn'taproblemexceptnowAuntIrisisallfreakedandcryingandidon'tdocryingandIthoughtifyouhadcookies-!"

"Master Wallace, I am going to ask you yet again to repeat that at a normal speed." Alfred said with one slightly raised eyebrow. Alfred took as much pleasure in correcting the young red head for his speed as he did in reprimanding Dick for his butchering of the English language.

Wally took a huge breath and held it for a moment to clear his thoughts, then let it out in a huge huff.

"Okay. The _problem_ is that the Flash is missing—which isn't actually a problem because he does that sometimes and the League's already trying to get him back, blah, blah, blah, _whatever!_ It happens too much in the League to be truly freaked about it, and _I_ know that and so does everyone else involved, except my Aunt Iris found out this time and is freaking the heck out! And I tried, I did, and so did Dick, but I just _don't do crying!_ Dick is better, but it's not the same because he's like, ten or whatever, or just looks like it, and she can barely take him seriously in his civies because he's so tiny, and-!"

"I understand."

Wally did a double take. "Wait-what? You do? I mean, of course you do, you're like the original Bat or whatever, but, I mean, _you do?" _He said incredulously.

Alfred allowed himself to smile politely and nod curtly.

"Yes, I do Master Wallace." He said smoothly. "There are some things that only those with loved ones as heroes can understand." He explained patiently. Wally looked blankly at him for a moment before his eyes widened a bit in understanding.

"Oh." He said, at a loss for words.

Alfred nodded in a business-like way. "Yes, '_Oh'_. Now, do you think Ms. Iris would be interested in some tea?"

Wally looked lost for a moment before he straightened up as he caught on. "Oh! Right! I'll get her over here ASAP!" He cried, and disappeared.

Alfred waited one second, then two…

He reappeared again, shrugging a bit abashedly. "Oh, and thanks!" He amended.

Alfred nodded his acceptance back to him. "You are very much welcome Master Wallace." He turned as the speedster disappeared, and began to assemble a tray of tea and the freshly made batch of cookies from that morning.

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Iris was used to many out of the ordinary things, being the wife of the fastest man alive.

However, she hoped she never had to say she wasn't fazed when her husband went missing, and today that held true to form.

When her nephew—who, she might add, wasn't terribly worried when perhaps he should be!—had vanished for a minute, he had returned with a big grin on his face, not looking at all as distressed as he had while trying to comfort her. And while whatever idea he might've come up with to cheer her up was probably very thoughtful, considering the source _and_ the fact Wally took after his Uncle in more ways than one, she wasn't particularly looking forward to it.

Her fear quelled some though when he told her he found someone who would help her, and before she could even open her mouth to comment, he picked her up (for though he wasn't as strong as other meta-humans, he most certainly had the strength gene in the family) and they'd flashed away before Robin could comment.

Robin was such a sweetheart, he really was, and he was a _thousand_ times better at relating and understanding than her semi-socially-awkward nephew was, but without the uniform or mask, in simple shades and weekend civilian clothes, he was only a child. Forget that she didn't know his actual age, he _looked_ eight.

No matter how 'adult' he talked, he still looked like a little boy who shouldn't have to be the one comforting her.

And it was humiliating in a hopeless kind of way: crying and being unable to stop in front of her nephew and boy a third her age. It was still better than the last time she'd found out that Barry wasn't away on "business" but away on "_business", _meaning he was probably tied up and bleeding to death somewhere rather than in a lab coat talking his head off to other scientists. Not that he didn't _tell_ her these things, he just… usually didn't tell her until he was safely back in her arms.

She was half annoyed at that, but more secretly pleased than anything. This worrying, the freaking out, the being unable to eat or sleep or think in a slowly building all consuming _panic…_

Feeling that jolt of fear and pain upon realizing she almost lost her husband while he was there to comfort her and tell her it was all ok again was far better than the same thoughts clawing out her skull constantly for days until Barry was returned to her again and he could give that comfort once more.

_If_ he was returned to her.

Gods, no, she couldn't think about that. She'd lose it again. She had just managed to get her cheeks semi-dry, even if her eyes were still puffy and red, but she was one wrong thought away from breaking down again.

Instead, she focused on where Wally had stopped, the world abruptly catching up with them as he set her down on her feet once more and looked proudly up at the building in front of them, obviously happy with himself for thinking of this. Whatever _this_ was.

"Wally," She said slowly, taking in the massive architecture and the incredibly (and obviously) expensive taste simply oozing from every window pane of the mansion before them. "Where…"

She trailed off as the front door opened and an elderly man stepped out. He had frosted white hair, a neatly trimmed appearance, and the most formal stance and expression she'd ever seen someone hold.

"Master Wallace, I suggest you return to Master Robin at once. He does not like being left out of the know." The man said in a smooth and cut voice, British accent and formal tone only adding to his stoicism.

_Master Wallace? _Iris thought incredulously to herself.

Wally seemed to pale for a moment. "Right! Ok then, well, Aunt Iris this is Alfred, Alfie, this-"

"With haste, Master Wallace." The man cut him off shortly, but something about his non-existent tone told both of them that his suggestion was not up for option, that perhaps there was a sense of urgency they'd originally missed.

Wally looked suddenly frightened and flashed away, returning to his angry friend as fast as his feet could carrying him, fearing the wrath of an irate Boy Wonder.

The old man, Alfred, stepped aside and gestured to the door beside him calmly. "Ms. Iris, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. Would you care for some tea?" he offered.

Iris blinked.

Her initial instincts told her no (after all, she may be a grown woman, but strange strangers were definitely still a major 'NO!', **especially** when married to a superhero with some big-time enemies) but Wally never would've purposely delivered her somewhere unsafe, not to mention that he'd flashed here with super speed, and this man didn't seem to care tremendously. He was obviously used to superheroes.

So, hesitantly, she walked up the front steps and into the open door, nodding her thanks to him as he gently closed it behind her.

"Please, just call me Iris. Alfred was is?" She said modestly.

The man nodded his greeting. "Yes Miss. But in respect, I refer to all those deserving as such. It is strange Master Barry has not told you as much, for we both are aware of how he loves to speak." He smoothly dismissed her request and simultaneously threw her focus.

"You know my husband?" She demanded immediately, instantly reeling back once she realized that came out slightly rude. "I mean, he never mentioned, I just…"

"Please, I will explain." Alfred showed her into an adjoining room, a tray of tea and delicious smelling cookies laid out before them. She paused again, but then quickly took a seat, eager to know what he knew about her husband and get this confusing ordeal sorted out quickly. He poured them both a cup of what smelled like earl gray tea, fixed hers with two cubes of sugar and a dash of peppermint cream and handed it over with a small plate with two cookies.

She took a sip out of politeness, planning to thank him again out of a sheer '_that's what you're supposed to do at tea parties'_ kind of feeling, but the fact that it was _perfectly_ to her taste momentarily threw her. How had he known that?

"Alfred…" She said hesitantly, putting the cup down slightly suspiciously. "Not that I don't appreciate the hospitality, but apart from my nephew trusting you I don't really know what's going on." She said carefully.

He took a seat across from her, perched lightly on the edge and folded his hands in his lap cordially.

"I was aware you did not know the secret identities of the League even when young Master Wallace suggested I offer my help, but I don't believe he has quite made that connection for himself yet." The old man explained calmly. "And rather, I would actually prefer if no one made that connection yet. That is why I sent him away so quickly, I didn't want him to have that time needed to realize he was spilling secrets."

"Secrets?" Iris said nervously. This talk about the League… well, she knew Barry didn't tell her for good reasons and she trusted him with that, but this… she didn't want to know things that would get her in trouble.

As if reading her mind, Alfred assured her, "You will not be reprehensible for knowing my name, or the names of my son and grandson so long as you keep it privy to yourself. Which, I have every right to believe you could seeing as you've kept your husband safe in that respect for years now." He assuaged her fears. "But I believe we can help each other."

She blinked, absorbing that slowly.

"Help? How?"She finally said, accepting his comforting. There was something about the way he spoke that told her what he said was law—no one would _dare_ ever argue with him, and she believed what he said was true enough for him. Besides, he was a comforting presence. Her thoughts and stressors were so chaotic: his mellow, stoic presence was a calming change. It was like stepping into a library and being compelled into being quiet because everyone else was: he was so calm, she felt calm almost against her will. Not that she was complaining, listening to a voice of reason after the past 24 hours of worrying to the point of pulling her hair out with two teenage boys who had no clue how to comfort people was beyond pleasant.

Alfred delicately picked a piece of non-existent dust off his knee and cleared his throat. "My son is also part of the League. Being a hero is noble, yes, but I feel the families of the noble often worry more than they should." He explained.

Iris absorbed that for a moment.

Barry… knew the identities of the other League members. He'd never said as much, but she got that from what he implied. Wally knew who Robin really was, so he knew some identities too. This man obviously knew his family's as well as Barry and possibly others' identities, but…

_She_ knowing who these big heroes are? It was…

Then again, Barry may be 'The Flash', but he was also that lovable goofball she married. Whoever Alfred's son was, he may be some big hero, but he was still a son too, and always would be.

Suddenly, the world of heroes seemed a lot… smaller. More relatable. More human.

"Wally told you my husband is missing." She deduced quickly. Not asking.

He nodded once. "Yes." He confirmed. "If it comforts you any, I know full well that most of the League is working on returning him to you. My son included, and if I may boast, he is quite accomplished at tracking people down." He nodded curtly with a soft smile.

Wally and Robin had said as much too, but hearing it from a man with much more… authority maybe? Well it was better, more comforting, even if he didn't really have any authority on the matter. He _acted_ like he knew what he was doing, and that was good enough for her.

She smiled weakly. "He does this too often." She sighed unhappily. "Getting himself caught somewhere… only, I never know he's gone until he's back. He's always in and out, sometimes gone on League business, and I just… I can't decide if I'm better off not knowing. This worrying will be the death of me." She shuddered.

Alfred nodded sympathetically. "Bruce doesn't often tell me when he is in danger either. Still, I know, and the worry is indeed unpleasant."

Iris smiled gently at him. Honestly, he didn't seem the type to worry. Or to express emotion really. Still, that didn't mean he _didn't_ worry, he was just better at holding himself together than she was. Probably ten times as good at it, seeing as losing the love of your life and your child were very different things: equally as horrible, but losing a child…

"And he's so careless about it too!" She suddenly ranted. "He _never_ takes that moment to consider a safer option; the fastest man alive my ass, he _never_ uses that quick thinking to save himself, the stupid moron." She complained.

Alfred actually smiled slightly at that.

"I couldn't agree more. More tea?"

0000000000000

"_Really?_ Three miles!?"

"Yes! And it was alarming you know, seeing as we'd never seen him sneeze before. It took quite some time to convince the neighbors it was just some sort of weather anomaly in air pressure or something."

"That must have been quite a sight! Seeing a barn door fall from the sky and land in the middle of some corn field! How did they ever buy that?"

"Well, we had quite the reputation by then. Strange things always happened, like that one time he accidentally threw a tractor to the other side of town..."

"Wow. Life in Smallville doesn't sound as boring as the name implies, no offense." Iris noted to Martha Kent, helping herself to another piece of the simply _delicious_ pie the older woman had brought over to Wayne Manor.

"None taken! It certainly has its highlights, especially when Clark was young and still learning…" She chuckled heartily.

"I don't suppose he told you of the first time he came here?" Alfred offered, pouring them another cup of tea. "He came uninvited and Master Bruce thought it entertaining to release a swarm of bees he'd recently obtained for research."

"Oh my!" Martha exclaimed. "Clark _hates_ bees! Heaven knows why seeing as they could never hurt him, but he's rather adamant about avoiding them." She frowned curiously.

Alfred nodded, allowing a small smile to grace his lips. "I do believe it took almost six months to repair the damage done to the east wing, but Master Dick still laughs every time its mentioned. We even took the liberty to add honeycomb shelving in a few of the rooms down there, and Master Clark still blushes every time he sees them." He noted calmly.

Iris and Martha laughed heartily.

0000000000000

"Honestly, why we don't have this in Atlantis is beyond me."

"I'm thinking the crust would get soggy."

"As always Catherine, your subtlety is simply supreme."

"I think he just called me blunt. He did, didn't he?" Cathy Lance frowned. Martha simply patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"It was a compliment." She translated.

"It's always a compliment." Iris laughed. "Alfred cannot physically be rude to anyone!" She smiled jokingly at the butler, who only nodded politely back in acknowledgement.

"Even as a Queen I could never manage that." Mera frowned in thought as she sized up the old man.

"Well, you could do with teaching that daughter of mine some manners!" Cathy told Alfred in a business-like (more like busy-body like) way.

Alfred smiled kindly. "I don't believe Lady Dinah would appreciate that sentiment, but in her defense she is always quite civil when training Dick and the other young heroes." He resolved smoothly.

"I still don't like that." Martha frowned. "They're all so young, I mean… I only just met Connor, and he's more than capable, but still…"

"Nonsense, Kaldaram is more than capable as a soldier." Mera declared proudly.

"On dry land though." Cathy pointed out. "It's a totally different beast than in the water, at least, that's what Dinny said about their training sessions. I hear little Robin's even invented some sort of breathing device that traps water in the air because their last mission was to a desert, and Kaldaram and M'gann had terrible difficulty." She shook her head sadly.

The beautiful red headed royalty paused.

"Why are these children fighting our battles!? We must disband them at once!"

0000000000000

"Let me see if I understand you correctly…" Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons, looked around the room carefully. "You sit here and you discuss matters of your family, who are part of the League of Justice?"

"The Justice League, yes." Martha said politely.

The queen frowned, looking to her fellow queen Mera for support. "I do not fear for my daughter. She is a noble warrior trained from birth. What say you of this my Lady?"

Queen Mera only gently smoothed the fabric of her dress. "I also believe my husband a fearless warrior. But often, I am left alone to rule Atlantis while he deals with his work on the surface, and I find comfort in knowing I am not quite so alone in that. Besides, it is amusing at times, to hear the things only those closest to our worlds' greatest heroes can know."

"Really?" Hippolyta said in intrigue. "How so?"

"Like that good for nothing soon-to-be son in law of mine!" Cathy blurted out in a huff.

"Son in law!?" Martha and Iris cried happily. "He proposed?" Iris gushed.

"Aye," Cathy sighed miserably. "In the middle of a fight too. The fool got himself shot in the leg because of it. If Dinah hadn't been there to save his ass it'd've been the shortest engagement in history." She complained.

"Marriage is a worthless endeavor, but your daughter sounds like a strong woman." Hippolyta nodded in approval.

"I couldn't agree more." Alfred nodded. "She and Lady Diana are like aunts to my grandson, which is why I insisted we extend you an invitation to our little meetings. It would only be right, after all."

"My daughter?" The queen of the amazons marveled in interest. "Well, it seems I am not _quite_ as informed as she would have me believe. She had never shown a maternal side to _me_ at least, though it is intriguing to say the least. After all, every great warrior must have something to drive them towards greatness, and she was my inspiration for many a year. Perhaps I shall accept this invitation, it sounds rather amusing." She allowed

"It is!" Cathy and Martha chorused happily.

"I am pleased to hear you say that." Alfred agreed. "Dick would be pleased as well—ever since he lost his true parents, Lady Diana has always cared for him as a mother figure the way my son is a father to him. It would be an honor for you to be here."

"Hmm." Hippolyta mused. "This truly is quite fascinating. Tell me, when can I meet this grandson of yours?"

0000000000000

Robin skipped happily over to where Superman was scrolling through some files on the central computer bank in the Watchtower. He and Batman were there briefly to fill in some missing information about a past mission. The Original League members had just finished a short meeting and Dick decided to take the opportunity to relay a message.

"Uncle Clark?" He asked after double checking no one else in ear-shot wasn't in on the main league members' identities.

"What's up kid?" He smiled down at the boy he'd seen as a nephew ever since he'd first shown up in Gotham a few years ago.

"I was wondering if you could tell Mama Kent she doesn't need to bring anything Friday, Alfred found a new cherry cookie recipe he wants to try." He relayed the message dutifully, and blinking innocently when the Man of Steel sat up a little straighter, looking confused.

"What's happening Friday?" He frowned.

"Book club! _Duh!"_ Robin said happily. He'd known about it of course, him and Batman what with it being at their house, but ever since Hippolyta had insisted he come that once just to meet him, he often dropped in on their little group meetings too. If nothing more than Alfred's cookies, Martha Kent's pies, and Ms. Iris' sweet ice teas.

"What book club?" Clark frowned once more.

Robin blinked, realizing he didn't know, and then started to grin maniacally.

"The one with Mama Kent, Alfred, Ms. Iris, Lady Mera, Ms. Cathy-!" He listed of rapid-fire.

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH." A new voice stopped him, and a red blur came to rest in front of him. "Ms. Iris? As in Iris Allen?" He demanded, looking shocked. "I mean, I knew she had a book club but she failed to mention it was with Batman and Superman's PARENTS!" He cried, and his outburst garnered everyone else's attention within earshot.

"They share a liking for tea apparently." Batman deadpanned, not even looking up from the data pad he was reviewing by the doorway, not interested in the confrontation at all.

"And it's not just _their_ parent," Dick said in "comforting" tone that gave a more mocking edge to it than anything. "Mrs. Lance is in it too, Queen Hippolyta as well." He offered not-so-helpfully, and just loud enough to make sure both Black Canary and Wonder Woman were in perfect hearing distance.

"WHAT?" Twin female voices shot out, ensuring that if it wasn't a scene before, it most definitely was now.

"Oh, and Lady Mera."

"_WHAT!?"_ And that time, several others joined in on their shock, not just Aquaman.

"It's just book club!" Dick shrugged '_innocently'. _"Being the family of heroes and whatnot… that's gotta be hard!" He said a hint more sincerely.

"Blah! More like an opportunity to gossip about us if that's anything to go by!" Canary cried, and Green Arrow didn't look terribly happy either. He future mother-in-law wasn't exactly his biggest fan, and she _loved_ to point it out to any and everybody.

Robin grinned, feeling no remorse as he plotted selling his best friend out.

"Actually, I'm_ pretty_ sure it was _Kid Flash's_ idea…"


End file.
